5 January 2017 // 9th of Tevet, 5777
She’elot v’tshuvot with Kitra
Inhere in Heaven’s Crowd
When I look to her purple pupil, I see miniature.
And in that losing man’s last coil, reflecting backwards,
I sensate ( in fact) Face
here in heaven Inword.
Here bristles the cruel brisk divide.
Our arms entangle, unharm. Our presentiment glows warm from
which two will celebrate yet the ‘morrow.
Inveterate palpitations predate history
What’s it like to not know whether you’re alive or dead?
Because I believe that I did die and spoke to my father and came back to the world as it is, I live since then in a metaworld between the two. I honor the extreme light. It glows in me from the heavenly abode. And at the same time i’m sure that all the pedestrian mendacities are also validated. The smudges that we all walk through and content with Life is a lot about cleaning away our blemishes.
Where do our blemishes come from?
Blemishes come from drudging through risks. We become what we doubt in ourselves, and that’s what we falsely face in the mirror. It will become foreground until redressed.
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
I can’t look into my eyes. Never could. I would see lost fears. I look through myself, past my self. Searching for her heart’s love. I search vainly to Karen whenever I am in front of myself. I do that from profound loyalty to the promised chuppah.